


through the good and bad and all in between

by vindicatedtruth (behindtintedglass)



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Idol universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:02:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25442839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/behindtintedglass/pseuds/vindicatedtruth
Summary: Yeonjun feels weightless, buoyed toward Soobin as his footsteps seem to involuntarily draw him to the younger boy, the way the waves of the sea can't seem to stop kissing the shore no matter how many times the tide draws it away.It'll take the universe imploding before anyone can take him away from Soobin, Yeonjun thinks fiercely.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 114





	through the good and bad and all in between

Yeonjun finds him by the Han river.

Soobin looks the most contemplative he's been. It doesn't sit right with Yeonjun, used to seeing crinkly eyes and dimpled smiles aimed his way.

It makes his chest ache, seeing Soobin so far away. Unreachable and untouchable, lost somewhere Yeonjun can't follow.

It terrifies him.

"I know you're there, Yeonjun-hyung," Soobin murmurs. He looks over his shoulder, and there: the softening of his gaze, the touch of fondness on his mouth.

Yeonjun feels weightless, buoyed toward Soobin as his footsteps seem to involuntarily draw him to the younger boy, the way the waves of the sea can't seem to stop kissing the shore no matter how many times the tide draws it away.

It'll take the universe imploding before anyone can take him away from Soobin, Yeonjun thinks fiercely, swallowing the lump that suddenly forms in his throat.

Soobin tilts his head thoughtfully, and Yeonjun allows him to look his fill, stripped vulnerable by Soobin's penetrating gaze. He shoves his hands into his pockets, curling his fingers into fists so he won't be tempted to reach out to Soobin just yet.

Yeonjun isn't sure it's welcome this time.

Soobin always has an uncanny way of seeing through him though, and there's a knowing sparkle in Soobin's eyes when the corners of his mouth lift into a small smile, not quite allowing the appearance of those coveted dimples, as Soobin moves over to make space on the bench for Yeonjun.

It tugs at Yeonjun's heartstrings, the way Soobin always, _always_ makes space for him, the way this notoriously private person has carved out a Yeonjun-sized doorway through the walls he's built around himself.

He's both honoured and devastated by it.

Because the thing is, Yeonjun thinks as he gingerly settles on the bench, he isn't sure if the hole in Soobin's walls would have existed if Yeonjun hasn't barrelled himself through them anyway.

He's selfish that way.

He looks across the river to the other side, and it feels like the gap between him and Soobin right now is just as wide.

Yeonjun hates it.

"How was dance practice?" Soobin finally breaks the silence.

Yeonjun turns to look at him. ‘ _We were just fine without you_ ' doesn't ring true. ' _We fell apart because you weren't there_ ' doesn't sit right either. He settles for the absolute truth:

"We need you back."

Soobin turns away. He curls into himself, his bangs falling forward to hide his eyes from Yeonjun's view, and his hands grip the hem of his shirt tightly. For such a tall person, a presence larger than life that it looms over every corner of Yeonjun's life—his heart, his soul—Soobin has an exasperating habit of wanting to make himself seem small.

That's okay, Yeonjun thinks. He'll be the one to stand tall for both of them.

"I'm sorry."

The riverside breeze ruffles his hair, carrying Soobin's whispered words to Yeonjun. 

"You should've warned us you weren't gonna make it to practice," Yeonjun says gently. "Hueningie was worried sick."

Soobin lifts his gaze, mouth quirked wryly. "Only Hueningie?"

Yeonjun smiles, softening. "Taehyunie and Beomie too. They texted you. Multiple times."

Soobin blinks. "They did?"

Yeonjun watches in amusement as Soobin quickly digs through his pockets. He takes out his phone and swipes at the screen. He blinks again.

"Oh," Soobin says out loud, shoulders slumping.

Yeonjun turns away. Soobin diplomatically doesn't mention it, but he must have seen the multiple missed calls from Yeonjun too, when he was frantically running around the city looking for him, cursing Soobin under his breath for turning off his phone's GPS, which—to be fair, is a good thing for his privacy and security, but very, _very_ bad for Yeonjun's sanity.

"I'm sorry," Soobin says again, guilt and shame lacing through his quivering tone, and Yeonjun squeezes his eyes shut, each apology an added pinprick to his already pierced heart. "I haven't been a good leader lately, have I."

The way Soobin words it as a statement instead of a question—deflated and resigned—makes Yeonjun snap his eyes open.

"Soobinie," Yeonjun draws out the beloved syllables of that precious name as it hits him like a slap to the face. "We haven't been good friends to you lately, have we."

Soobin's mouth part in surprise, and Yeonjun's gaze helplessly flicker to those lush lips for a second before he narrows his gaze determinedly.

"We rely on you too much," Yeonjun declares. "Hueningie and Taehyunie and Beomie and myself. We take too much from you that we forget you don't leave anything for yourself."

Soobin's eyes are widening in frantic confusion. "Hyung," he begins desperately, "that's not true—"

"Yes it is," Yeonjun cuts him off just as frantically. "Soobin—"

And damn it, this is why he needs more training and experience in songwriting, because it's in the most important moments that words fail him. Because he can't get past the lump in his throat the words to describe the way his skin tingles with fond protectiveness when he sees Soobin cuddling with Kai on the floor of their dorm's living room, as he drapes a blanket over them both and brushes Soobin’s cheek with the tips of his fingers to temper the temptation to do so with his lips; or the way his chest swells with pride when Taehyun comes home from his midnight snack dates with Soobin, crawling into Yeonjun's bed to regale him with tales of just how wonderful Soobinie-hyung was and how they all made the right decision choosing him as leader, to which Yeonjun vehemently agrees with every time; or the way Yeonjun's cheeks hurt from smiling so much when he hears the uproar of laughter from Beomgyu's Vlive with his leader, grateful beyond measure that they can all make Soobin happy like this.

He wonders why, somewhere along the line, this is where they have failed.

There's a familiar pricking in the corner of Yeonjun's eyes, and he angrily presses his lips together as he forcibly swallows back the sob threatening to burst forth from his throat.

“Soobinie. _Soobin_." Yeonjun whispers. "When it gets too much like this, please take what you need from us, too."

He hasn't realised how much he's been trembling until Soobin's fingers—steady, always steady—have closed around his wrist, gently prying his hand out from his pocket.

Slowly, Soobin threads his own fingers through Yeonjun's, unfurling Yeonjun's fist like a flower delicately blooming toward the sun, and simply holds on.

"Right now," Soobin tells him softly, "I just need you."

Yeonjun's breath catches in his throat when Soobin takes his hand between both of his to cradle it on his lap. He has the sudden, desperate epiphany that Soobin has already taken so much from him, too.

And it's not enough. It's not even close to being enough, because Yeonjun is selfish and greedy and he wants it _all_.

' _Take my hand_ ,' the song croons in his thoughts, and he's dizzy with it, lightheaded with want, ' _take my whole life too. For I can't help falling_ —'

Yeonjun curls his fingers, grips Soobin's tightly. "You have me," he vows: now, forever, always.

_Take it all. I want you to have it all._

"You have me."

_Please, have all of me._

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/vindicatedtruth) <3
> 
> Title taken from the lyrics of "[My Escape](https://open.spotify.com/track/3sgXbDvrgbTBIefz4lJDEp?si=D7hhhB8FR-SLFiyDJqV-0Q)" by Ravenscode


End file.
